5 Ways to Reduce Self-Criticism and Improve Self-Compassion

Do you sometimes notice your father's or mother's tone of voice in your self-talk? 

When you feel rejected, or you fail to reach goals, what is your self-talk like? 

Wouldn't it be nice if we had a powerful framework to strengthen our most important relationship - with ourselves?

A collection of 47 studies demonstrates that self-talk has a powerful influence over our behaviour. 

Ironically, a patient complained about my lack of compassion and this unravelled my lack of self-compassion. 

The two are intimately linked but not mutually exclusive.

After the complaint, I sat for weeks in self-blame - a state I know well. My successful entrepreneurial clients do too. Which begs the question - what can we do about it? 

Here are 5 simple science-backed actions to elevate you:

1. Watch for the rules

It's not you, it's your beliefs. Research from Duke University, North Carolina, tells us that around 50% of our actions are subconscious. To go one step further, Stanford research demonstrates that up to 90% of our actions are influenced by our beliefs. 

If you want to travel to a new destination, look at your map. 

It is ESSENTIAL that, if you are repetitively experiencing negative self-talk, you ask yourself the most childlike question - 

Why? 

Ensure you are in a calm state before asking, perhaps in meditation or a breathwork practice. Keep asking until you find an answer that makes intuitive sense. 

2. Internal tone of voice

Your self-talk has a persona with a unique tone of voice. 

Remember that only 7% of communication is based on our actual words. This is true for our self-talk too. 

Try adopting the tone that you use for your pet, child or anyone you care about. Notice how your internal tone is usually vastly different.

3. Blindfolded actions

As mentioned, many of our actions occur by default. Wouldn't it be nice if we could make them work for us? 

For years, my passwords have been related to self-compassion affirmations.

In moments of routine, we have a chance to permeate our subconscious. 

Change your passwords today. 

4. Nudge

I remember one particular client story. They were sitting in a heated meeting when a reminder popped up on their phone - one that we had set together for self-compassion. 

This empowered them to stop the rumination and self-blame and helped them navigate the meeting. 

Set a reminder on your phone today for kind self-talk. 

5. Whiteout mirror

If you came to my house you would see my bedroom mirror covered in intentionally loving statements. 

When do you judge yourself most? So many of us instinctively judge ourselves when we look in the mirror. 

It relates to one of our deepest fears - fear of judgement. 

Turn your mirror from a place of fear to one of love - stick notes on there with statements of self-compassion. 

Here are a few self-compassion statements that relate to our deepest needs as humans:

I am valued.

I am appreciated.

I am significant.

I am at peace.

I am loved.

I am good. 

***

Enjoy these practices and let me know how you get on with them. 

***

1 Quote

"Joy can be found on the other side of suffering."

1 Question

Which practice will you focus on this week? 

1 Quality

Love

Value close and intimate relationships with others. Allow yourself to be loved and to love - this is an invaluable virtue.