4 Things That Bring Out the Best in OthersOct 06, 2022
We all want to bring out the best in others, but how?
You can't change people, but you can be a positive influence. In order to influence others, we need to understand ourselves first.
The faults we see in others relate to the parts of ourselves that we aren't willing to accept.
They are not the problem; it's how we relate to them that harms us.
According to ancient wisdom, here are the four immeasurable qualities that help us bring out the best in ourselves and others:
Turn towards, not away. If we ignore, resist or try to fix, it doesn't connect us, it separates us.
To help others, we must embrace them. In order to do this, we must learn to be comfortable with our natural emotional discomfort.
Compassion is showing an awareness of suffering and a deep commitment to relieving it.
With beautiful synergy, when you commit to being compassionate with others, it activates the joy, reward and love centres in your brain.
I've witnessed coaching clients become more compassionate with their staff, leading to increased engagement and profits.
Try this week to listen to the feelings behind someone's words. Verbally acknowledge them and, if appropriate, use a light touch to soothe them.
If you were exposed to mistrust and challenge when you were younger, you start to believe that happiness is a scarce resource.
Loving-kindness - the wish for others to be happy, is an infinite resource. If you wish for others to be happy, you do not lose happiness.
According to Professor Martin Seligman's work, your happiness is not a result of money, rewards or status. Instead, it's made through your experiences, growth and contribution.
Science shows us that loving-kindness meditations improve connectedness, giving and even longevity.
Try closing your eyes right now. Bring to mind someone and wish for them to be happy. Notice how good and relaxed you feel.
3. Sympathetic Joy
If we can only be happy for our own success, we limit our happiness, as the Dalai Lama would put it. Our culture can promote ego, negative social comparison and not celebrating others.
Let's change that.
Recently, a coaching client introduced celebration days for their employees. As a result, the CEO was happier, employees were motivated and customers felt more satisfied too.
Find someone on social media and start celebrating their success. Notice and savour how that process feels. Appreciate how empowering it feels to create your own happiness whilst bringing out the best in others.
Do you react when someone around you is panicking? Reactivity is a common problem with parents, bosses and in families. Why? Because you care. When you care, you feel moved by others' pain.
Equanimity is developing calmness in the face of emotional reactivity. It is a challenge but worth the practice as, when you embody peace, peace is drawn towards you.
Try pausing this week in a heated discussion by intentionally relaxing your tongue. Notice how you have no urge to talk when you do this. By giving someone psychological air, you give them a rare gift.
Watch this video for an in-depth look at the wisdom of these four immeasurable qualities.
"Be the calm in their emotional storm. This is a rare and precious gift."
How will elevate the way you elevate others this week?
Compassion is the key, connection is the answer - let that be our mantra.
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