3 Reasons Why Self-Compassion is Not Selfish

mind relationships work Oct 21, 2023


Put yourself last...

Give at your own expense…

Self-kindness is letting yourself 'off the hook'.


Recognise these unhelpful self-talk narratives?


Read on for 3 transformational scientific reasons as to why self-compassion is not selfish






An insight came to me whilst going deep with a high performing entrepreneurial client. Unknowingly, they have been prioritising their loved ones happiness before themselves.




Because they were relying on self-esteem to make them peaceful, happy and free. They were relying on their external environment to change to improve their internal environment. 

The subconscious rule in their head was…

“Happy family, happy life. Once they are happy, THEN I’ll be happy.”

Consequently, they were struggling with a lack of time, energy and boundaries. They felt drained. They were not living aligned to their authentic wants, needs and dreams and even their family could feel it. 

They were in people-pleasing mode. This breeds resentment, shame and anger. It's a response due to an anxious attachment style, due to fear of rejection. 

So, what can we do to help? 



Self-compassion is not selfish

With all of the pain occurring in the world right now, it seems compassion is needed more than ever

However, compassion for others from a wounded place is ineffective. 

The most powerful thing we can all do is to go deeper within and emanate that love outwards. This is what all great leaders in the past have done - they have learnt to master the self and used that level of mastery to positively influence others. 

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Ghandi



Here are 3 reasons why self-compassion is not selfish and can enhance your business and life. 


1. Taking responsibility

This is the most important trait for an entrepreneur - to understand that you have the ability to choose how you respond to any situation

Self-compassion says “I did something bad”, versus self-esteem which says “I am bad”. 

In the DNA of self-compassion is the belief that you are loved unconditionally. Shame stops you from admitting mistakes because you are afraid of being 'found out' as flawed. 

Self-compassion can look at the behaviour over the person. This is a powerful tool for entrepreneurs, as business is filled with mistakes. 

A few weeks ago, I was speaking to a founder who was convinced that everything was “great". But, when we looked at the numbers, they weren't being honest with themselves. 

A self-compassionate approach takes radical honesty into account and understands that, as humans, we are flawed. When you can look at your flaws with love, you can act from that place and grow. 


2. Admitting inequality

When there is unbalanced share, which half do you take? 

The bigger half or the smaller one?

In business, circumstances are sometimes unequal. How do you manage this? 

Research shows that people who practice self-compassion need less and have more;  they are more peaceful. 

As a result, they can be giving without feeling resentful. Interestingly enough, the research shows that self-compassionate people (measurable on a validated scale) find selfish behaviour unacceptable. 


3. Prioritises humanity

Ethical business is the future… people, planet, then profits. 

A 2015 study from Elizabeth McConnell demonstrated that self-compassionate students were more likely to promote racial justice. 

We need racial equality, peace and love now, more than ever. 

Self-compassionate business owners are more connected to humanity because they are more connected to themselves. 

And, when you deeply examine yourself, you realise that you are energy and energy is everything

This is why one of the clients I worked with decided to create a more ethical, sustainable business and, as a result they were certified as a B Corp business. 



If this blog spoke to you, reply to let us know what helped you…

And, if you are a mission-focused entrepreneur who is feeling limited, blocked or tense by a recent change, then book our ‘awakening self-awareness call’ today to reveal your core repetitive challenge. 

With love,


Want to take the learning further?

Take the 3-minute free Compassionate Mastery Assessment 

Because it is a challenge to know where to start on your journey of flourishing without an evidence-based assessment. 

Take the assessment now!