The Secret Reason Behind Our Limitations

mind relationships spirit Sep 23, 2023

 Is shame secretly limiting you? 

“Shame stems from unworthiness and leads to self-blame.”

Read on to play the 'ITT game' to feel more free, fulfilled and authentic.

As Professor Shauna Shapiro puts it…

“Shame undermines our belief in ourselves, marooning us on an island of helplessness and self-loathing.”

When you release from shame, then you act from a place of freedom, authenticity and fulfilment. Your cup is overflowing with love, not lack. 

Imagine a tower of champagne saucers…

When you pour into your saucer, it overflows to the rest, representing your wider circle. 

Most people are draining themselves by putting others first without being aware of their own lack. This leads to self-blame. 

And self-criticism is the root cause of mental illness, as highlighted by Professor Sidney Blatt’s 2006 paper in the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Would you like to play a game with me?



ITT - Identity Time Trick game



Step 1 - Ripple and Release Breath


- Breathe in a circular way, around 5 seconds in and 5 seconds out


- Release tension on the in breath and ripple out love on the out breath 


- If you are rippling love, make sure you smile!


This brings the heart and brain into coherence, helping you engage in the powerful present moment.


I routinely train all the entrepreneurs we work with to breathe in this way before we shift beliefs, stories and emotions. Each time I miss this vital step, there are blockages and overthinking. 


Professor Paul Gilbert notes that practicing self-compassion and treating yourself with kindness activates the “care system” of our brain, thereby releasing powerful chemicals like endorphins and oxytocin. 

This short breath is designed to do that. Don’t forget the smile. 



Step 2 - Question, Feel and Experience


- Ask yourself the following question after around 1 minute of breathing:

 "I will be unconditionally loved when…." 

- Feel the question land in your body, whilst continuing to breathe


- Then see if you can place your awareness on where you feel it in your body for around 20 seconds. 

Neurological studies show us that focusing on an emotional experience for 20 seconds starts the process of rewiring our minds. 

I use this trick with our clients to help them reduce overthinking and gain clarity. When we release from the inauthentic stories that cloud our mind, we start to see clearly. 



Step 3 - Receive Insights


- Practice answering the first thing that comes into your mind


Recently, on the retreat I went on, we practiced a similar technique with the question, “Who am I?”


With practice, the results can be profound. I am continuing to practice. Repeat the process three times. Shame stems from an innocent desire to be loved but what if you were already complete, whole and loved? 


How would you behaviour differ?

Would you take that rest, cancel that meeting or invest more time with your children? 



If you are an entrepreneur who would like to go on a journey of self-discovery to elevate your impact, time, freedom and peace, speak to us next week here

And get in touch to share your insights from the game.

With love,


Want to take the learning further?

Take the 3-minute free Compassionate Mastery Assessment 

Because it is a challenge to know where to start on your journey of flourishing without an evidence-based assessment. 

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